Service With A (Forced) Smile

Very few friends know that I've once considered going for flight attendant tryouts when I was in college...just another one of those moments of madness.

Being petite I knew I wouldn't make the height requirement. Back then I used to wonder what the fuss was all about just because I'm 1cm shorter than the min height reqt. It was only when I started flying frequently on my job that I realised height is needed...to reach the overhead compartment.

It was also during my flights that I realised it wasn't such a glamorous job after all - firstly its a chore having to slap on all those thick makeup & create a typhoon-safe hairdo...and I'm a hopeless slob.

It is also unavoidable for any rookie attendant to be assigned economy class duties but that has its extra downsides -
- Standing for long hours, doing balancing acts with that hot cuppa in your hand & having to smile thru the whole act. There are times when you wonder whether you're hired to serve or be a circus act...
- Having to brush past the shoulders of those "bigger" male passengers....I can bet you that some of them enjoy it
- Having to eat leftover airline meals - not that they are good to begin with. You can't afford to starve or even worse, faint due to low sugar levels during long haul flights
- Having to serve meals - and then collect the cutlery & crockery - in record time
- Having to unbuckle yourself from the seat to run to a jakun passenger who has conveniently got up from his seat to talk to a neighbouring friend whilst the plane is queueing for take-off
- Having to remain patient when a passenger keeps making silly demands - happened in my recent flight back from Tokyo. It was bad enough that I was coughing my lungs out, I had to travel on economy beside this Msian guy. As with my other economy flights, I'll usually board early as kiasu Me wanna hog compartment space ~

Moi : (Buckled up, settled down with magazine. Took aisle seat as usual on economy flights)
Guy : (Came in fashionably late) Oh excuse me....
Moi : (a bit annoyed....but remained calm...unbuckled myself, stood up & let the guy thru)
Guy : (Fidget, fidget, fidget....)
Moi : (What da????!)
Plane took off....
Attendant : (Bringing the 1st drink) Would you like some juice?
Moi : (Took a drink) Thanks
Guy : Do you haf champagne?
Moi : (Hah?)
Attendant : (Sweet voice) No sir, we don't serve champagne...
Guy : You don't haf champagne?
Attendant : (Still sounding sweet) No sir we don't ...
Guy : What about sparkling wine?
Moi : (Siau...)
Attendant : (Trying very hard to sound sweet) No sir we don't have that either...
Guy : Has it always been like that?
Moi : (I gotta save the poor girl). Muttering to my magazine I went ~ Wellifyouareinbusinessclassyoucanhaveanythingyouwantbutthisiseconomy....
Attendant : (Heard my muttering...regained composure) Yes, if you are in business class then you can get champagne
Guy : (Obviously thirsty from all his talking) Get me a beer then
Attendant : Yes sir, in a moment

Later on during the flight, when meals are served...
Guy : I'd like coffee....with fresh milk
Moi : (Wha...??! Ok if it wasn't for the earlier has-it-always-been-like-that champagne thingy I wouldn't have reacted to this one)
Attendant : I will get it for you sir after I've served dinner
A few minutes later, attendant returned with cup of fresh milk ...
Attendant : Here you go sir, I'll serve the coffee in a minute
Captain : (Over PA system) L&G we are currently experiencing some turbulence. For your safety there will be no hot drinks served....
Moi : (HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA.....)
Guy : (Stares at cup of milk)
Attendant : I'm sorry sir I can't serve you coffee at the moment
Guy : Errr....get me a 7-up then

To all you flight attendants out there....for all that you go thru in the skies, I salute you.